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Machine Guns, Yachts, and Nannies: HGTV’s marriage melodrama exists to make you proud of your divorce

Machine Guns, Yachts, and Nannies: HGTV’s marriage melodrama exists to make you proud of your divorce

Celebrity gossip is like a drug addiction.

It starts at a party, innocently sampling scandals and passing around amatuer judgments throughout the night. But before you know it, you’re a regular contributor to the National Enquirer.

We want to remind ourselves (and our readers) that healthy celebrity gossip is about comparing the hyperbole of rich and dramatic lifestyles to the tedium of our own lives, to remind us that things really aren’t that bad.

What do actors, athletes, musicians, and politicians all have in common? CHILD SUPPORT!

What do actors, athletes, musicians, and politicians all have in common? CHILD SUPPORT!

The average monthly salary in the Evergreen State hovers around $4,800, with the minimum wage providing approximately $1,600 per month to teenagers dipping their toes into the muddy depths of taxes.

That’s not enough to qualify for a refund, so most teenagers receive parental support in the form of a hand-me-down Dodge Neon and a few bits of wisdom re: courtship and daily survival.

Bridget Jones’s Baby is two hours of evidence that British people are too polite

Bridget Jones’s Baby is two hours of evidence that British people are too polite

In America, the land of the free, we have more than one TV show dedicated solely to people shouting at each other over paternity tests.

Contrast this with the atrocity that is the most recent book-to-film adaptation of a Helen Fielding story, wherein two rich and dashing gentlemen wait nine whole months to find out who is the father of the frumpy protagonist’s child.

Just how magical are liability waivers and the paper they’re written on?

Just how magical are liability waivers and the paper they’re written on?

“...my participation in activities and/or use of such equipment may result in injury or illness including, but not limited to, injury, disease, fractures, partial and/or total paralysis, death.”

Sign me up for some of that!

Deriding the ridiculous language of liability waivers is a dinner table favorite, but are these forms really the get-out-of-jail-free card that we think they are? We’d love to don our powdered wigs and shout at you in Latin about the intricacies of legal liability, but we’ve promised Hollywood mockery here so Hollywood mockery is what you're gonna get.