Millionaire Musician Messes: Dealing with illegitimate children

Millionaire Musician Messes: Dealing with illegitimate children

An article in the New York Times once described DNA paternity tests as unquestionably effective as entertainment... and they’re right. There are few entertainment tropes more satisfying than determining a character’s paternity.

Courts consider DNA tests conclusive evidence of parentage because they’re based on science. What’s not an exact science is why celebrities are such shining beacons of paternity and child support cases.

The following instances illustrate fairly well what options one can take when dealing with illegitimate children.

Drake: Cut checks for your secret child

Drake’s child custody case isn’t documented in official court records yet, but you can look for clues in his recent hit singles. If you don’t like deciphering rap lyrics, we’ll break it down for you.

In 2017, adult film actress Sophie Barceaux claimed she was pregnant with Drake’s baby. Drake denied it at the time and even resorted to smearing her ‘very questionable background.’

Nine months and several mixtapes later, little Adonis was born. Drake initially expressed doubts that the kid was his but claimed he’d man up (i.e., pay child support) should it be proven that he’s the baby’s daddy.

Following the tradition of pop stars who make grand gestures when making personal announcements, Drake confirmed his paternity via the release of his most recent album.

It was then revealed that he’s been giving his baby mama child support payments since before Adonis was even born.

For those who can’t afford to haphazardly commit to paying child support, we don’t recommend doing what Drake did. We can only speculate that he went through DNA testing, which would have been a smart move if he had indeed received a court order to do so.

Jay-Z: He’s got 99 problems but a paternity test won’t be one

24-year old Rymir Satterthwaite has been demanding his alleged dad, Jay-Z, take a paternity test. But Mr. Shawn Carter is busy running a record label and a fashion empire, not to mention being married to one of the planet’s richest women.

It’s not unusual for a man of HOVA’s stature to deny paternity of an adult child. The first sign that your embittered illegitimate child is serious is when they take matters to court, which is exactly what Rymir did.

Paternity laws vary from state to state, but in most states (including Washington), an alleged father who refuses to participate in a paternity test may be held in contempt of court.

Rymir’s case, however, was thrown out of court due to procedural problems. He believes his lawyers were colluding with Jay’s lawyers to sabotage his chances of being part of the Carter-Knowles family.

Rymir also claims he’s not in it for the money. But should it be proven that Jay-Z is his father, it’s unlikely that the court will order a retroactive child support since he’s over the age of 19. Also unlikely? That he will get a seat next to Blue Ivy at the Grammys.

Janet Jackson: Run away from DNA testing

It’s understandable for high-profile male celebrities to be chased by paternity cases for their wealth, fame, and genes. But female celebs aren’t excluded, especially musical icons who are worth millions.

31-year old Tiffany Whyte from Philadelphia claims she’s the lovechild of Janet Jackson and her ex-spouse James DeBarge. To prove her claim, Tiffany and grandma DeBarge (James’ mother) obtained a DNA test, which proved that Tiffany’s and the DeBarge’s DNA profiles were a match.

DNA tests are 90% accurate, but unless Ms Janet takes the test herself, Tiffany’s got a very slim chance of being a Jackson.

It’s obviously more unusual for women to deny being the parent of a child, but stranger things have happened. Janet has yet to entertain Tiffany’s demands to take a DNA test. Given the amount of attention Janet’s given Tiffany so far (zero), it’s inconceivable she’ll ever agree to it, much less acknowledge it. That is unless she receives court orders to do so.

Seattle family attorneys Buckingham, LaGrandeur & Williams have dealt with paternity cases, but usually without the drama and Page Six coverage. If you want to talk to someone who knows paternity lawsuits like the back of his hand, get in touch with Jude Law’s people.

Just kidding -- call us.