It’s been just over 100 days since The Donald became president of the United States of America. And in honor of this arbitrary milestone, we’ve created our own meaningless measurement: The number of days into a president’s term before he or she slips and falls.
We don’t mean to make light of these unfortunate events, merely to point out that if the most guarded person in the world can still find a way to take a tumble, you shouldn’t feel any shame in making a legal case out of your own mishap.
Based on our unmatched legal research expertise, we haven’t been able to find a single instance of The Donald slipping, tripping or falling since taking office. Is this evidence for the conspiracy theory that our fearless leader is secretly afraid of stairs, or is Mr. Trump hiding a leotard and tap shoes under that business suit?
Let’s take a look at how many more days the President needs to go without slipping and falling to outlast his predecessors.
147 Days in: Hillary Clinton breaks her elbow on the way to the White House
No, the Trump presidency wasn’t all just a dream. About five months into her tenure as Secretary of State the former First Lady slipped and fell on the way to a meeting with President Obama at the White House.
Despite being in good health, almost-president Clinton was 61 at the time and at risk of osteoporosis. Her broken elbow serves as yet another reminder that trips and falls are no laughing matter. Businesses are responsible for keeping their facilities safe and usable for patrons of all ages and abilities -- if they fail to do so they need to be held liable.
Kind of like how politicians are responsible for leading the country in the right direction. Except when they fail all you get to do is put someone else’s name on a piece of paper and hope that 100 million other people do the same.
296 Days in: The President who never received a vote slides out of Air Force One
Anyone old enough to remember the glory days of 1970s Saturday Night Live probably recalls Chevy Chase’s infamous portrayal of President Gerald Ford as a lovable klutz.
This unforgettable routine grew out of a diplomatic trip to Austria in the summer of 1975. Despite a successful college football career and a handful of active-duty military awards, Mr. Ford’s coordination failed him: After landing on his butt he famously slid down the stairs of Air Force One.
So the next time you feel embarrassed about tripping, just remember that at least it wasn’t caught on film and parodied on national television for a decade.
1,372 Days in: Ronald Reagan slipped and fell just 20 minutes away from our office
Literally following in Ford’s footsteps, President Ronald Reagan also slipped on the Air Force One stairs during a 1984 campaign rally right here in Seattle. He was in and out of the King County airport in a day -- but the physics-defying photo will live on forever.
In the Gipper’s defense, the ground is wet and slippery approximately 13 months out of the year in the Pacific Northwest.
As a side note, there is an even better photo from this trip of the Gipper wearing a Washington Huskies cap and cradling a signed football. Undeniable proof that The Evergreen State is home to the most A’Murrican sports teams in the country.
9,672 Days in: Getting out of bed and the Gulf War prove equally hard on George Bush Sr.
More than 26 years after his last day in office, our 41st president fell from his bed and broke a bone in his neck, which isn’t at all funny.
Except, you know, he’s been falling out of planes -- on purpose -- for more than a decade. Of course, if The Donald beats Bush Sr.’s record, he’ll also be the longest living US President in history.
All of these trips, slips and falls prove that even with a team of fully-trained and attentive agents in suits and earpieces tending to your safety, tumbles are still inevitable.
If you’ve fallen and believe that a company or individual is to blame, give the Buckingham, LaGrandeur & Williams team a call. Until then, we’re abandoning ambulance chasing to follow Air Force One around and see if we can drum up some new clientele.